Sometimes you become the person you never thought you could be. Looking back in the past, you'll just see yourself smiling and wondering how you survived all the hardships you've had. Life will really give you heaven and hell. But it really is your choice how you would welcome these things as they come. I would admit that every day of my life is a struggle... Struggle to live, struggle to maintain what I have and struggle to become numb for all the pain. Most of the time, I just sit back and let my mind run through these things.. I remember how messy my life was and how much strength I needed just to stand up again. Every bit of memories crushes my heart. It still pains me. Lots of regrets... Lots of things that I wish I did not do... But too late to blame myself. Everything has already happened. People would ask me, "Why are you that strong?Didn't you feel any anger to those who messed up w/ you?" I just bowed my head and said,"You would think I am not real if I said no but it's the truth. I didn't feel angry... I was hurt.It's two different things. Anger would cause me no good. In everything I have experienced, I only learn one thing: LET GO. Pain would bring tears and yes it feels like hell but look at me now. I wouldn't become this strong and genuine person if I never encountered the hard ways..."
I used to ask God to give me this and that, to bless me those things, to send me him,etc... Now, I'm just thankful for everything He gives me and feel blessed about it. I would not ask for more because everytime I wake up is more than just a blessing. I'm so thankful that He gave me a perfect heart to manage all the emotions I'm going through and I feel that I'm becoming a better person every day. He gives me choices that I know are just His ways to make me become more faithful and to trust His plans for me when I can't seem to go on.
And now that I'm having a hard time deciding what path to take, I lift up everything to Him. He hears my heart and I know He will bless me. If i'm going to stay here or not, I know in time I'll find the answer. But for now, I'm gathering all the strength I need to move on... It's hard and I'll surely miss the people who are with me for more than a year (almost 2 years when I leave) but life's like that. Just go on and let go. I'll find the light and I know I'll be alright. It takes me too many sighs just having these thoughts but I have to spread my wings and fly... I hope I would land on where my happiness really belongs. I never thought I would be this tough to pursue my quest for my dreams. Well, I've been down for many times... I know if I would undergo another trial/s, I would make it just like before... Never did I think of quitting the fight!^_^
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